Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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