tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
