i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My cat gives me a boner
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
