You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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