Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
