I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize