You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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