Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
