never play flip cup with pint glasses
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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