I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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