i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
