You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
