I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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