Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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