Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
