Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize