I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
