We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
