She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
