need another drink. this is the easiest way
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
