WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize