Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
