Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
