i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
