Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize