So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
