just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
