Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
