I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
