I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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