He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
