Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is wine microwaveable?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
