i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize