Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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