So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
