Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
