Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
