K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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