Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
