i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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