Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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