Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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