can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
