Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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