He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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