just tell him i said nine months
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
