Whod you bang
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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