come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
