My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
