its not stalking. its research.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
3pm strippers are depressing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
