I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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