everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
