I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
