i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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