You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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