so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
