fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
