CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
