don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
