omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
