He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
