my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
