walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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