corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
