You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
