party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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