Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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