There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
